February 15, 2005
Post-Valentine's Rambling
Forgive the apparent cynicism. That's just how I get on days like this. Once again Valentine's Day has passed and I had to answer those hated questions from relatives again: "Why aren't you getting married yet?" "How come you don't have a boyfriend right now?" "Maybe your standards are impossibly high"
My rejoinder? My last relationship was too traumatic. I wouldn't care to go through that again. I'd rather be safe and alone than with somebody and getting hurt again.
Either that or I tell them, I've taken out that sort of foolishness from my life plans.
Of course, I don't really mean it. But it does keep them quiet. Until the next Valentine's Day. Or the next wedding I have to attend with all my happily attached relatives.
I am as much a dreamer as the next girl. I still wish that a knight in shining armor will sweep me off my feet and bring me home to his castle.
I have to be realistic though. Inasmuch as I live in the Philippines, my chances of meeting a knight is next to nil. Castles do not exist in the Philippines.
So I wait for the guy who will arouse my intellect and inspire me to become a better person. The guy who I can have long conversations with deep into the night on just about any topic under the sun (or moon as the case may be). Someone who shares enough of my interests for us to be kindred spirits but is also different enough from me so that I can live vicariously through him. Someone who enjoys getting suprises and small gifts because that's how I show I care. Someone who works to earn my respect and does not go around demanding it.
In short, I seek someone I can have intellectual intercourse with.
Many times in the past, I had convinced myself that I had found THE guy. Only to end up bitterly disappointed because issues I consider non-issues are HUGE issues for him.
Like religion for instance.
I cannot, for the life of me, understand why the religion I was raised in (i.e., Catholicism) should be such a huge issue. I have always believed that while there are differences in dogma and practices, we all believe in a greater power than ourselves that is good and perfect. A power that inspires us to become better than we already are. Someone may call this power "Allah" or "Buddah" or "Jehovah" or "Father". In the end, all it boils down to is that we are all answerable to this power for our actions.
I don't see the need for me to defend my going to mass, fasting, or praying the rosary. In the same way that I wouldn't question someone's need to attend "Service" or "Bible Study" or whatever it is they call the gathering of their religious community.
I am not the type who will force a guy to change to my belief system because of the way I was raised. I was raised by my parents in the belief that the man of the house should be the spiritual leader of the family. Simply stated, that means I would raise my children in the faith of the man I shall marry. I may not convert to his religion at the drop of a hat but I will certainly raise them in the belief system of the man I choose to spend the rest of my life with.
On the one hand, it's a practical decision. No confusion for the children there. Plus, I ensure the unity of my family. Second, I think that's the ultimate proof of love one can show. After all, they say there are two things that people believe in that they will fight to the death about-- Religion and Politics.
But then again, perhaps I think that way because I have never had a boyfriend who was Catholic like me.
Second issue, my choice of career-- Medicine.
Too many guys believe that since I am a doctor, I would only consider going out with someone who is either a doctor like me or a lawyer. In this way, I have become unreachable and unapproachable simply because I chose to care for the sick as a profession.
For me, medicine is a career-- a job. Just like being an accountant or a computer programmer or a college professor. I fail to see why my career should lead me to become myopic about the people I can form close relationships with.
There are so many other issues that I cannot even begin to list them down anymore.
Needless to say, I am thankful that Valentine's is over.
This year had its highlight though. I got a "Haffi Valentine's" greeting from someone I care deeply about.
But that's another story.
Forgive the apparent cynicism. That's just how I get on days like this. Once again Valentine's Day has passed and I had to answer those hated questions from relatives again: "Why aren't you getting married yet?" "How come you don't have a boyfriend right now?" "Maybe your standards are impossibly high"
My rejoinder? My last relationship was too traumatic. I wouldn't care to go through that again. I'd rather be safe and alone than with somebody and getting hurt again.
Either that or I tell them, I've taken out that sort of foolishness from my life plans.
Of course, I don't really mean it. But it does keep them quiet. Until the next Valentine's Day. Or the next wedding I have to attend with all my happily attached relatives.
I am as much a dreamer as the next girl. I still wish that a knight in shining armor will sweep me off my feet and bring me home to his castle.
I have to be realistic though. Inasmuch as I live in the Philippines, my chances of meeting a knight is next to nil. Castles do not exist in the Philippines.
So I wait for the guy who will arouse my intellect and inspire me to become a better person. The guy who I can have long conversations with deep into the night on just about any topic under the sun (or moon as the case may be). Someone who shares enough of my interests for us to be kindred spirits but is also different enough from me so that I can live vicariously through him. Someone who enjoys getting suprises and small gifts because that's how I show I care. Someone who works to earn my respect and does not go around demanding it.
In short, I seek someone I can have intellectual intercourse with.
Many times in the past, I had convinced myself that I had found THE guy. Only to end up bitterly disappointed because issues I consider non-issues are HUGE issues for him.
Like religion for instance.
I cannot, for the life of me, understand why the religion I was raised in (i.e., Catholicism) should be such a huge issue. I have always believed that while there are differences in dogma and practices, we all believe in a greater power than ourselves that is good and perfect. A power that inspires us to become better than we already are. Someone may call this power "Allah" or "Buddah" or "Jehovah" or "Father". In the end, all it boils down to is that we are all answerable to this power for our actions.
I don't see the need for me to defend my going to mass, fasting, or praying the rosary. In the same way that I wouldn't question someone's need to attend "Service" or "Bible Study" or whatever it is they call the gathering of their religious community.
I am not the type who will force a guy to change to my belief system because of the way I was raised. I was raised by my parents in the belief that the man of the house should be the spiritual leader of the family. Simply stated, that means I would raise my children in the faith of the man I shall marry. I may not convert to his religion at the drop of a hat but I will certainly raise them in the belief system of the man I choose to spend the rest of my life with.
On the one hand, it's a practical decision. No confusion for the children there. Plus, I ensure the unity of my family. Second, I think that's the ultimate proof of love one can show. After all, they say there are two things that people believe in that they will fight to the death about-- Religion and Politics.
But then again, perhaps I think that way because I have never had a boyfriend who was Catholic like me.
Second issue, my choice of career-- Medicine.
Too many guys believe that since I am a doctor, I would only consider going out with someone who is either a doctor like me or a lawyer. In this way, I have become unreachable and unapproachable simply because I chose to care for the sick as a profession.
For me, medicine is a career-- a job. Just like being an accountant or a computer programmer or a college professor. I fail to see why my career should lead me to become myopic about the people I can form close relationships with.
There are so many other issues that I cannot even begin to list them down anymore.
Needless to say, I am thankful that Valentine's is over.
This year had its highlight though. I got a "Haffi Valentine's" greeting from someone I care deeply about.
But that's another story.
posted by fay gloria @ 6:44 AM
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