April 13, 2005

So you want to be a Superhero?

A co-worker of mine was watching the teaser video of the upcoming Batman movie and somehow the conversation later revolved around what kind of superhero he would be. Jokingly, I said, his superpower would probably be trading insults with the bad guys. He said his superpower would be “shrewdness”. I had to shake my head in amusement. The fascinating thing about guys is how the little boys in them yearn to become superheroes.

For some reason, the whole superhero thing stayed on my mind and I ended up with the following guide… my advice to co-worker on “How to Become a Superhero”

1. You must come from an alien planet, have your genes manipulated, mutate, be bitten by a radioactive bug, or be exposed to high yet non-lethal levels of radiation
2. You must have a family tragedy in your past (e.g., you lose your parents when you home planet blows up or your parents are murdered by criminals)
3. You must have a costume-cum-superhero suit that will reveal every contour of your body (It goes without saying that your body must have “acceptable” and “visually appealing” contours) & you must wear your underwear on top of your costume.
4. You must have a catchy superhero name and logo (such as the outline of an animal or the first letter of your superhero name)
5. You must have a “superhero” means of transportation such as a flying cape, webs that shoot out of your wrists, propellers that come out the top of your head, an invisible jet or various vehicles with your logo on it.
6. You must have a “human” alter ego who is a nerd, a weakling, or a journalist (I wonder why journalists or even photo-journalists frequently become superheroes. I guess after reporting about all this superhero stuff you end up wanting to do the same. Either that or you need to create superhero situations to report about lest you lose your job)
7. You must hide your superhero identity even from the people closest to you. The best way to hide your superhero identity is to wear eyeglasses when in your “ordinary human” mode.
8. You must have a secret hiding place where you can hide all your superhero gadgets
9. You must have a nemesis—someone you will fight again and again, almost but not quite defeat, otherwise you will lose the reason for your existence.
10. You must be vulnerable to something that has no effect on ordinary humans like gases or elements seen on the right-hand column of the periodic table of elements.

Before I end this random thought though, I often wondered about this—who sews the costumes of superheroes? Who washes, dries, irons and folds the costumes of superheroes? When their costumes get torn who mends them? And how often do superheroes change costumes?

Maybe I'll answer those questions in a future blog...