August 14, 2005
Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow
As the months become colder and the rains become more frequent, I can’t help but remember the greatest love of my young life… The source of my most intense bliss and the reason for my most paralyzing heart break.
He was my first in many ways… The first guy I brought home to my parents… The first guy I had a deep and passionate love for… The first guy I would give up anything and anyone for… The first guy I seriously considered spending the rest of my life with… The first guy I stood up for… The first guy for whom I would willingly subordinate my ambitions and my dreams… It was for him that I truly felt the Song of Ruth: “Wherever you go, I shall go… Wherever you live, so shall I live. Your people will be my people. And your God will be my God”
It was on a month as cold as this that I made him a solemn promise. I promised him that I would never leave him.
It was actually on a late June afternoon that I spoke those words with my lips and made him that promise with my whole heart. We had gone to the mall that afternoon, looking at techie stuff-- digital cameras, laptop computers, PDAs… While he was checking out one store, I walked over to a nearby bookstore and got him a card.
I was blissfully unaware that by then he was out of his mind, looking for me throughout the mall, wondering how he would explain to my parents how he had “lost” me in a mall. He had left his cellular phone in his dorm and couldn’t call me. He was worried sick because that was a mall I wasn’t familiar with and chances are I wouldn’t know how to get home on my own if he couldn’t find me.
I walked out of the bookstore, and went back to the shop where I had last seen him. I didn’t see him but I figured he was just at another shop looking around. I wasn’t worried because I felt pretty sure that he would find me. So I just walked around and window shopped.
I was right. In the middle of my window shopping, I felt grateful arms embrace me and was amused to hear him tell me never to walk away from him. As he poured out his worry and his concern, I felt an overflowing love for this wonderful guy—a love I still nurture in a corner of my heart. It was on that day that I told him, I would never leave him... That he would always have me.
Months later, he left me. There were a myriad reasons, the most basic of which was that he realized that the woman he truly loved was someone else and not me.
When the weather is cold and it’s raining outside, I am filled with a longing so great, it consumes my very soul.
As the months become colder and the rains become more frequent, I can’t help but remember the greatest love of my young life… The source of my most intense bliss and the reason for my most paralyzing heart break.
He was my first in many ways… The first guy I brought home to my parents… The first guy I had a deep and passionate love for… The first guy I would give up anything and anyone for… The first guy I seriously considered spending the rest of my life with… The first guy I stood up for… The first guy for whom I would willingly subordinate my ambitions and my dreams… It was for him that I truly felt the Song of Ruth: “Wherever you go, I shall go… Wherever you live, so shall I live. Your people will be my people. And your God will be my God”
It was on a month as cold as this that I made him a solemn promise. I promised him that I would never leave him.
It was actually on a late June afternoon that I spoke those words with my lips and made him that promise with my whole heart. We had gone to the mall that afternoon, looking at techie stuff-- digital cameras, laptop computers, PDAs… While he was checking out one store, I walked over to a nearby bookstore and got him a card.
I was blissfully unaware that by then he was out of his mind, looking for me throughout the mall, wondering how he would explain to my parents how he had “lost” me in a mall. He had left his cellular phone in his dorm and couldn’t call me. He was worried sick because that was a mall I wasn’t familiar with and chances are I wouldn’t know how to get home on my own if he couldn’t find me.
I walked out of the bookstore, and went back to the shop where I had last seen him. I didn’t see him but I figured he was just at another shop looking around. I wasn’t worried because I felt pretty sure that he would find me. So I just walked around and window shopped.
I was right. In the middle of my window shopping, I felt grateful arms embrace me and was amused to hear him tell me never to walk away from him. As he poured out his worry and his concern, I felt an overflowing love for this wonderful guy—a love I still nurture in a corner of my heart. It was on that day that I told him, I would never leave him... That he would always have me.
Months later, he left me. There were a myriad reasons, the most basic of which was that he realized that the woman he truly loved was someone else and not me.
When the weather is cold and it’s raining outside, I am filled with a longing so great, it consumes my very soul.
It isn’t that I am lonely for him. I am mutilated because he was a part of me.
posted by fay gloria @ 2:39 PM
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