November 15, 2005
Confessions of a Soon-To-Be Member of the Unemployed Sector
November 2005. I cannot believe how time flies so fast. It seems like just yesterday, I was starting my residency training in emergency medicine. I then alternatively went into paroxysms of doubting if I made the right decision, wanting to quit, actually drafting letters of resignation and then deciding to stick it out because—well, I have never really quit anything in my life before.
Suddenly, I wake up one morning and realize that in less than two months I shall be done with my training. I now am going into paroxysms of fear—I have no idea where I will be by January next year. Nor do I even have an idea what I shall be doing. There are so many opportunities but I always feel that I am not ready to handle the responsibilities that go along with it. I suppose I put too much stock into what someone said to me in anger before—how I was irresponsible and could not be trusted to take care of the ER without supervision. This was someone whose opinion I obviously thought highly of so you really can’t blame me for thinking he just may be right. Maybe I really can’t be trusted with any responsibility. So I just tell my friends “Di ko alam kung saan ako pupulitin next year” (I have no idea where I will be picked up next year).
Naturally, I have been racking my brains for the past few weeks, dreaming up money-making schemes so that I do not starve when 2006 comes along. Schemes ranging from winning the lottery to direct-selling to medical transcription… Then I hit upon this marvelous (albeit totally unoriginal) idea of setting up an internet café near my parents’ place. I have even pestered my younger brother (who is an electronics and communications engineer with a huge interest in computers) to become my business partner. It obviously has no relation whatsoever to the emergency medicine training I have devoted (?) myself to for the past three years. And quite frankly, I have no idea why all my money-making ideas are totally removed from the practice of emergency medicine.
Some friends have told me maybe it’s my subconscious way of avoiding “certain people” who are best-forgotten. You know, people I’ve met during training whom I would not want to work with for the rest of my life or whom I believe would rather die horrible tortuous (and gladly if I might add!) deaths than work with me. I had to laugh. I was imagining people being chased and fired upon by dragons Harry Potter-style just to avoid me.
To be perfectly honest, I really don’t know why. I guess despite the three years I have spent supposedly saving lives and making people feel better, I still feel ill-equipped to deal with the onslaught of patients in critical condition without a consultant to back me up. By next year, I will be the consultant. It’s terribly exciting by it’s driving me nuts as well.
I suppose it’s all an escape. At least with an internet café, I won’t be making life-or-death decisions. If I turn out to be irresponsible, I kill my business but don’t kill anyone.
Ahh… A bum. I think that’s what I may turn out to be by next year.
November 2005. I cannot believe how time flies so fast. It seems like just yesterday, I was starting my residency training in emergency medicine. I then alternatively went into paroxysms of doubting if I made the right decision, wanting to quit, actually drafting letters of resignation and then deciding to stick it out because—well, I have never really quit anything in my life before.
Suddenly, I wake up one morning and realize that in less than two months I shall be done with my training. I now am going into paroxysms of fear—I have no idea where I will be by January next year. Nor do I even have an idea what I shall be doing. There are so many opportunities but I always feel that I am not ready to handle the responsibilities that go along with it. I suppose I put too much stock into what someone said to me in anger before—how I was irresponsible and could not be trusted to take care of the ER without supervision. This was someone whose opinion I obviously thought highly of so you really can’t blame me for thinking he just may be right. Maybe I really can’t be trusted with any responsibility. So I just tell my friends “Di ko alam kung saan ako pupulitin next year” (I have no idea where I will be picked up next year).
Naturally, I have been racking my brains for the past few weeks, dreaming up money-making schemes so that I do not starve when 2006 comes along. Schemes ranging from winning the lottery to direct-selling to medical transcription… Then I hit upon this marvelous (albeit totally unoriginal) idea of setting up an internet café near my parents’ place. I have even pestered my younger brother (who is an electronics and communications engineer with a huge interest in computers) to become my business partner. It obviously has no relation whatsoever to the emergency medicine training I have devoted (?) myself to for the past three years. And quite frankly, I have no idea why all my money-making ideas are totally removed from the practice of emergency medicine.
Some friends have told me maybe it’s my subconscious way of avoiding “certain people” who are best-forgotten. You know, people I’ve met during training whom I would not want to work with for the rest of my life or whom I believe would rather die horrible tortuous (and gladly if I might add!) deaths than work with me. I had to laugh. I was imagining people being chased and fired upon by dragons Harry Potter-style just to avoid me.
To be perfectly honest, I really don’t know why. I guess despite the three years I have spent supposedly saving lives and making people feel better, I still feel ill-equipped to deal with the onslaught of patients in critical condition without a consultant to back me up. By next year, I will be the consultant. It’s terribly exciting by it’s driving me nuts as well.
I suppose it’s all an escape. At least with an internet café, I won’t be making life-or-death decisions. If I turn out to be irresponsible, I kill my business but don’t kill anyone.
Ahh… A bum. I think that’s what I may turn out to be by next year.
posted by fay gloria @ 6:09 PM
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