July 29, 2005

Love Never Dies...

A couple of weeks ago, I spent the day with someone from my past-- the guy I used to have this massive crush on back in medical school. I was giddy with excitement... sort of like a highschool sophomore invited to the prom by her senior crush.... At least that's what I convinced myself it was.

He picked me up at work and off we went to this bar in Mandaluyong City where we danced and sang and pretty much made fools of ourselves. It was sort of a letdown though. It was nothing like what I imagined it would feel like back when I was in medical school. I had to go back to the hospital so he graciously offered to bring me there before bringing me home.

On the way, we somehow passed a restaurant, long since closed, which caused me to sigh in a sad longing sort of way (at least that's how he described the involuntary gasp I made). He asked me what it was all about. Somehow, the tears fell as I recounted how special that place was to me. How, on a special night in March 2002, I was sitting in that restaurant with the guy I loved with all my heart, making a solemn oath to make a try of "it", whatever the consequences. And how, three months after that, I again made a promise that I would NEVER leave him.

He looked at me and with an understanding smile said, "Is that why you only go out with guys you know you would never be romantically involved with? Guys who are leaving the country soon or have habits you cannot stand?"

It wasn't until I heard those words that I realized what I had been denying all this time. Sadly, I probably still nurture an ill-conceived illusion that THE GUY and I still had a chance. That HE still loved me and that someday, we would be together, deliriously happy. That someday, he would forgive me all my faults and failures. That someday, his family and friends would accept me.

I had thought I was over him completely. But it was just underneath the service, ready to rear its head when I was least prepared. I was saving myself for someone who probably never loved me the way I loved him--- completely, totally, ready to give up anything...

It was with a heavy heart that I alighted from the car and went into the hospital. That place that holds so many memories as well.

Love never truly dies I guess. But if it doesn't, then what did he feel for me then?

July 20, 2005

allow me to depart from writing my own blog and posting another person's ramblings for a while. I thought this really fits things to a "T"! At least I now know why I always fall for the assholes... HAHAHA!

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST
By: Garrett Hols

It’s amazing that assholes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are assholes at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. IT’S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they listen… until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what assholes their predators really are, they pretend like the asshole is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the asshole into a nice guy, but assholes will always be assholes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the asshole. But she claims to love the asshole… now this is where the theory begins. She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the asshole right away, instead she will stay with the asshole.

Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another. They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their asshole boyfriend. But the nice guy isn’t THAT naïve. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A FRIEND.

They don’t say, “Oh he’s hot” or “I want to have his children” about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the asshole. The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the asshole gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action… I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE… at least not in the women department.

Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the asshole is because assholes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the asshole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The asshole finally says, “I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass”. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him… even thought all she has won is an asshole.

Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a “listener” you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the assholes because there are always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you are a “listener” you cant do anything about it… just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants… ever. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont “come to her senses” and realize what an asshole her boyfriend is like in the movies… instead she will just go after another asshole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you.

Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys… they say they are but they’re not.

They are looking for the perfect asshole, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect asshole. All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft. To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your asshole to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself… because he has listened to it all.